Wow, aku update blog setahun sekali. Seram juga.
Tapi tahun 2015 adalah tahun yang produktif.
Aku siapkan 7 manuskrip dan 1 sebuah novella.
Walaupun aku tak target tinggi sangat untuk kesemuanya diterbitkan, aku menulis kerana aku mahu menulis.
Sebenarnya, aku tak ada apa-apa nak dibuat selain dari menulis dan membaca. Hidup aku agak hambar sebenarnya.
Oleh itu, aku harap tahun ini aku akan dapat tunaikan beberapa sasaran seperti berikut:
1. Siapkan 12 buah manuskrip (minimum)
2. Bagi ceramah dekat bengkel penulisan.
3. Sedekahkan duit royalti untuk kerja-kerja kebajikan dan tak hebahkannya (susah tu)
4. Berhenti kerja jurutera dan jadi seorang yang lebih tulus dengan kerja (menulis)
5. Kahwin
Yang no. 5 tu rasanya setiap tahun dah mencuba, tapi gagal.
Aku ada girlfriend yang dah 7 tahun bersama tapi kami berada dalam LDR (Long Distance Relationship)
Kami jumpa setahun sekali. Sedih bukan?
Tapi kami dah menyesuaikan diri dengan keadaan tu.
Aku harap tahun ini kami dapat mansuhkan LDR tu dengan getting married.
Living together.
Nah, kalau dia nak kawen la. 3 tahun dah aku propose, kena tolak je. Dia belum bersedia kot.
Aku boleh tunggu tak apa. Lagi lama pun tak apa. Polisi lelaki dalam keluarga aku is setia pada satu.
Sebab tu aku tak pernah ada gf di sini, aku avoid any serious relationship dekat sini.
Sementara menunggu, aku boleh sibukkan diri dengan menulis sebanyak mungkin.
Wednesday, January 6, 2016
Tuesday, December 23, 2014
Phew 2 years already?
Berapa lama dah aku tak update blog ni? Sejak aku keluar dari Band STS.
Bila tu? Oktober 2012.
Ya, aku pindah Johor duduk kat Masai setahun. Aku jadi pembaca novel tegar, dan dua orang penulis paling aku minat ketika itu,
Haruki Murakami dan juga Paulo Coelho.
Aku kini seorang novelis. Walaupun tak segah Haruki Murakami mahupun Paulo Coelho, aku masih gembira dengan transisi ini.
Jika dilihat dua tahun yang lalu, aku tak pernah sangka aku akan jadi begini.
Aku berhenti main muzik yang telah lama aku perjuangkan dari saat aku berumur 9 tahun.
Aku nak buat band. Sehinggalah aku berumur berapa? 28 tahun.
19 tahun, kawan. Dan usaha aku gagal. Ratusan lagu-lagu yang aku buat kini jadi simpanan dalam arkib otak, yang mungkin takkan aku mainkan secara live lagi sampai bila-bila.
Tapi aku tak sedih sangat. bagi aku talent yang aku miliki ini useless.
Yup, aku multi-instrumentalis, tak payah belajar, observe je dah boleh main alat muzik yang pelbagai.
Aku boleh gubah lirik, boleh buat lagu tanpa perlu gitar, guna imaginasi dah memadai.
Aku boleh menyanyi. Aku boleh menulis novel. Aku boleh gubah puisi.
Dan semua talent ini bagi aku sampah je sebab tak boleh keluarkan aku dari kemiskinan.
Bukan aku tak bersyukur, tapi aku hanya address hakikat.
"Seni dah tak ada harga di mata masyarakat"
Namun aku enjoy writing. Aku tolak tepi dulu isu royalti dapat ke tidak. Kot2 tak dapat tu, biar jelah kot.
Macam tak biasa dulu main muzik tak berbayar. keh keh keh.
Sekurang-kurangnya, menulis novel tak memerlukan aku buang duit, maruah dan nyawa. Cukuplah. At least tu, aku ada lagi channel untuk buahkan kreativiti dalam otak ini tanpa perlu menyusahkan hidup yang dah sekian lama susah ini.
Sekian celoteh jiwa aku yang senantiasa ditimpa duka lara. Chewah ayat. Bajet novelis sastera konon. Pui.
Terima kasih kerana membaca.
Lokman Hakim
Luke
23.12.2014
Bila tu? Oktober 2012.
Ya, aku pindah Johor duduk kat Masai setahun. Aku jadi pembaca novel tegar, dan dua orang penulis paling aku minat ketika itu,
Haruki Murakami dan juga Paulo Coelho.
Aku kini seorang novelis. Walaupun tak segah Haruki Murakami mahupun Paulo Coelho, aku masih gembira dengan transisi ini.
Jika dilihat dua tahun yang lalu, aku tak pernah sangka aku akan jadi begini.
Aku berhenti main muzik yang telah lama aku perjuangkan dari saat aku berumur 9 tahun.
Aku nak buat band. Sehinggalah aku berumur berapa? 28 tahun.
19 tahun, kawan. Dan usaha aku gagal. Ratusan lagu-lagu yang aku buat kini jadi simpanan dalam arkib otak, yang mungkin takkan aku mainkan secara live lagi sampai bila-bila.
Tapi aku tak sedih sangat. bagi aku talent yang aku miliki ini useless.
Yup, aku multi-instrumentalis, tak payah belajar, observe je dah boleh main alat muzik yang pelbagai.
Aku boleh gubah lirik, boleh buat lagu tanpa perlu gitar, guna imaginasi dah memadai.
Aku boleh menyanyi. Aku boleh menulis novel. Aku boleh gubah puisi.
Dan semua talent ini bagi aku sampah je sebab tak boleh keluarkan aku dari kemiskinan.
Bukan aku tak bersyukur, tapi aku hanya address hakikat.
"Seni dah tak ada harga di mata masyarakat"
Namun aku enjoy writing. Aku tolak tepi dulu isu royalti dapat ke tidak. Kot2 tak dapat tu, biar jelah kot.
Macam tak biasa dulu main muzik tak berbayar. keh keh keh.
Sekurang-kurangnya, menulis novel tak memerlukan aku buang duit, maruah dan nyawa. Cukuplah. At least tu, aku ada lagi channel untuk buahkan kreativiti dalam otak ini tanpa perlu menyusahkan hidup yang dah sekian lama susah ini.
Sekian celoteh jiwa aku yang senantiasa ditimpa duka lara. Chewah ayat. Bajet novelis sastera konon. Pui.
Terima kasih kerana membaca.
Lokman Hakim
Luke
23.12.2014
Saturday, October 20, 2012
Musafir Part 1
New journey. Pilgrimage. A journey to clear my mind from all the past and present.
A journey to improve my life to a better stature.
I wonder what happen so far in my life, I gain experience both as musician and civil engineer, meets a lot of people, making friends and enemies.
And at this point of life, I look back to myself and I realize I'm not moving anywhere.
If my life is like the drama, I guess the plot is horrible, too many confusions everywhere, and the dialogs are not in place. As the plot writer, director and sole actor, I need to scrap down the script and make revision to it. A MAJOR Revision.
Rewrite from the scratch if needed. Sacrifice more time and enjoy the years of NORMAL life to rewrite it. Fine, I'm done with that.
I used to be rebellious. And that nature will not change but shaped with determination and plan. A proper plan. I believe life is more than just growing up as adult, getting a good job, build a great family and retirement in comfort zone. I rebel against this sequences of life. But where is the source of these rebellious factors come from? My belief, perhaps? I told my musician friend I quit music, but how long that statement will remain true? I guess two months? Haha, even now I'm thinking of buying a music recording equipment and start a new project - a solo project where I'll be composing a doom/gloomy dark music. Of course not in nearest future, but not too distant maybe.
I start reading novels and collecting materials for my music project. Practicing and improving my skills in cello, violins and erhu every 6 pm. Acoustic dark music. Guitar is too mainstream for this but how about Spanish Guitar work? Sounds interesting.
A journey to improve my life to a better stature.
I wonder what happen so far in my life, I gain experience both as musician and civil engineer, meets a lot of people, making friends and enemies.
And at this point of life, I look back to myself and I realize I'm not moving anywhere.
If my life is like the drama, I guess the plot is horrible, too many confusions everywhere, and the dialogs are not in place. As the plot writer, director and sole actor, I need to scrap down the script and make revision to it. A MAJOR Revision.
Rewrite from the scratch if needed. Sacrifice more time and enjoy the years of NORMAL life to rewrite it. Fine, I'm done with that.
I used to be rebellious. And that nature will not change but shaped with determination and plan. A proper plan. I believe life is more than just growing up as adult, getting a good job, build a great family and retirement in comfort zone. I rebel against this sequences of life. But where is the source of these rebellious factors come from? My belief, perhaps? I told my musician friend I quit music, but how long that statement will remain true? I guess two months? Haha, even now I'm thinking of buying a music recording equipment and start a new project - a solo project where I'll be composing a doom/gloomy dark music. Of course not in nearest future, but not too distant maybe.
I start reading novels and collecting materials for my music project. Practicing and improving my skills in cello, violins and erhu every 6 pm. Acoustic dark music. Guitar is too mainstream for this but how about Spanish Guitar work? Sounds interesting.
Saturday, October 6, 2012
Hypertension
Blood pressure - I can feel it increasing
Headache - breathless just because I eat something sweet
I guess my body cannot take it anymore
I'm aging - I'm mortal
Feel so weak - Helpless - Alone
But somewhere far
This loneliness has limits
I can feel her presence
My Beloved Diyana
She always be here with me in these voids
Loving me like a fallen angel and embrace me with the wind
And light
This soul and trust
Where kisses and warmth is dead
But Love is still here
Love is still there
The distance means nothing
Revolutionized Gabrielle delivers our voices
For every hour of moonlight and darkness
And the voices will halt
As demons awake before hours of dawn
Headache - breathless just because I eat something sweet
I guess my body cannot take it anymore
I'm aging - I'm mortal
Feel so weak - Helpless - Alone
But somewhere far
This loneliness has limits
I can feel her presence
My Beloved Diyana
She always be here with me in these voids
Loving me like a fallen angel and embrace me with the wind
And light
This soul and trust
Where kisses and warmth is dead
But Love is still here
Love is still there
The distance means nothing
Revolutionized Gabrielle delivers our voices
For every hour of moonlight and darkness
And the voices will halt
As demons awake before hours of dawn
Thursday, October 4, 2012
Changes of Name
I think it's a need to change the name from Luke Stringthesizers to Lullaby of Poverty - resisting - music.
This is my fight against poverty
This round I lost
But I'll get up in no time
I have to quit the band, so I have no rights to bear the name since it's confusing.
This is my fight against poverty
This round I lost
But I'll get up in no time
I have to quit the band, so I have no rights to bear the name since it's confusing.
Relieve
I have quit from my position as Stringthesizers' Vox
As I drive back to hostel,I sing the new unrecorded song "Di Sebalik Tirai Drama" out loud on my back and why suddenly feel so broke up
It's a mixed feelings, sad but somewhere deep inside I feel relieved..
And now it's time to settle down with another band - AfterLife
Planning to meet them this Saturday hopefully thing goes well
I'm going to end this in a good manner
No hatred please.
Knowing myself well, I won't be able to stop playing music
Let's see what happen then
I can't predict the future
Finally I have a chance to revive myself from my coffin of financial stressful needles
But to get up from the coffin I end up injuring my whole passion
Once I build up the life, I swear I'll go back and fight for my passion
For my music
For the time being, all the best to Stringthesizers and Afterlife
I will assist in term of ideas and new songs from far away place
"Jumpa lagi di masa akan datang"
As I drive back to hostel,I sing the new unrecorded song "Di Sebalik Tirai Drama" out loud on my back and why suddenly feel so broke up
It's a mixed feelings, sad but somewhere deep inside I feel relieved..
And now it's time to settle down with another band - AfterLife
Planning to meet them this Saturday hopefully thing goes well
I'm going to end this in a good manner
No hatred please.
Knowing myself well, I won't be able to stop playing music
Let's see what happen then
I can't predict the future
Finally I have a chance to revive myself from my coffin of financial stressful needles
But to get up from the coffin I end up injuring my whole passion
Once I build up the life, I swear I'll go back and fight for my passion
For my music
For the time being, all the best to Stringthesizers and Afterlife
I will assist in term of ideas and new songs from far away place
"Jumpa lagi di masa akan datang"
Sunday, September 30, 2012
Entry 30.9.2012
Rajin pulak aku update blog skrng nie.. Maybe sbb life dh terlalu bosan kot? Ntah lah wei..
Rabu nie ada interview utk kerja baru, hopefully bole la dpt basic rm 3k at least, tp x bole hrp sngt gak, sbb experience yg ada skrng x berbaloi utk dpt Rm 3k.. maybe more? ntah la.. kena fikir kluar dr kotak minda yg sedia ada kot baru bole success.. tp gaji bawah rm 3k mmng x mampu nak menyimpan.. suma harga mahal.. langkah2 nak cope is mcm hari ahad xyah kuar enjoy, memerap dlm bilik.. selamat duit tp selamat tinggal kehidupan.. harus lupakan naluri bosan buat sementara.. hahahaha
skrng mcm sudah hampir gila..
Tekanan hidup makin meningkat
Umur dh nak masuk 30, still x kukuh lagi kewangan, nak kumpul duit pon gagal.. skrng terpaksa tinggalkan muzik kejap, sbb nak kumpul duit utk sara adik2, n kahwin? haha.. ssh tu..
Zaman skrng ada ijazah pon x menjamin masa depan lagi.. lebih kepada pembuangan masa? Ilmu yg dapat pon x dpt tambah value utk dpt kerja lagi bagus.. rugi masa muda aku je masuk Universiti..
Living alone jauh dr famili mmng bnyk kekuatan diperlukan n financial kena tough.. Biar aku kirim duit ke famili, bukan famili kirim duit kat aku.. itu satu perjuangan aku kat cne.. sbb itu kepada bakal majikan: Boleh x bagi aku gaji rm 3k n ke atas? Don't worry, aku x guna duit itu untuk enjoy pon.. aku bnyk tnggungjawab dh.. Enjoy tu utk budak2 kaya.. org miskin mcm aku mana layak enjoy.. Bermimpi bole la.. Kena tukar impian dr jd pemuzik ke impian jd org kaya supaya bole tolong org2 yg aku sayang
Kepada gf, sorry to make u wait.. i wish i can marry u n we live together.. tp Life is so cruel.. Adat dh la menyusahkan.. agama ntah la, macam topeng je dh.. Masyarakat kt nie sakit tenat.. x dpt ubat.. How I wish I was rich so that I can marry you darling, Raise a kid tgether.. build a happy family.. But selaku org miskin, aku hanya mampu bermimpi
Kepada org yg baca, terbaca post ini, kalo rasa annoying, sorry la.. maybe suma akan panggil aku losers sbb entry nie, tp aku x peduli.. Tulis suma tekanan hidup aku kat cne menenangkan jiwa aku.. haha
kalo dulu slalu gak aku berdoa, tp aku gagal untuk merasa kehadiran Tuhan, jd aku berhenti berdoa n lebihkan berusaha.. Aku hidup SEORANG DIRI.. kalo sakit kena hantar diri sendiri g hospital jd kena make sure tiada masalah mcm tu jd.. Kena jg diri sendiri.. Planning 5 steps ahead before doing something
Skrng nie aku harus kuburkan hasrat utk jd pemuzik, multi talented bole main macam2 alat muzik tp bakat tu x bole bg aku duit utk hidup.. utk trus hidup, harus tinggalkan impian aku.. What left of me? aku pon x tau sbb kenapa aku nak trus hidup.. utk Diyana n my Family.. the only thing left for me now.. The reasons for me to live is u, Diyana & My Family.. Love U so much..
Kini badan dh kurang sehat, tekanan darah pun dh tinggi.. risiko utk dpt sakit jantung dh ada.. Doktor pun dh warning.. tp life aku mmng terok kot.. nak jg makanan pon payah.. duit x cukup utk create gaya hidup yg sehat.. haha.. Apa pon x bole bila duit x ada..
Kecewa sngt2 dngn hidup
Rabu nie ada interview utk kerja baru, hopefully bole la dpt basic rm 3k at least, tp x bole hrp sngt gak, sbb experience yg ada skrng x berbaloi utk dpt Rm 3k.. maybe more? ntah la.. kena fikir kluar dr kotak minda yg sedia ada kot baru bole success.. tp gaji bawah rm 3k mmng x mampu nak menyimpan.. suma harga mahal.. langkah2 nak cope is mcm hari ahad xyah kuar enjoy, memerap dlm bilik.. selamat duit tp selamat tinggal kehidupan.. harus lupakan naluri bosan buat sementara.. hahahaha
skrng mcm sudah hampir gila..
Tekanan hidup makin meningkat
Umur dh nak masuk 30, still x kukuh lagi kewangan, nak kumpul duit pon gagal.. skrng terpaksa tinggalkan muzik kejap, sbb nak kumpul duit utk sara adik2, n kahwin? haha.. ssh tu..
Zaman skrng ada ijazah pon x menjamin masa depan lagi.. lebih kepada pembuangan masa? Ilmu yg dapat pon x dpt tambah value utk dpt kerja lagi bagus.. rugi masa muda aku je masuk Universiti..
Living alone jauh dr famili mmng bnyk kekuatan diperlukan n financial kena tough.. Biar aku kirim duit ke famili, bukan famili kirim duit kat aku.. itu satu perjuangan aku kat cne.. sbb itu kepada bakal majikan: Boleh x bagi aku gaji rm 3k n ke atas? Don't worry, aku x guna duit itu untuk enjoy pon.. aku bnyk tnggungjawab dh.. Enjoy tu utk budak2 kaya.. org miskin mcm aku mana layak enjoy.. Bermimpi bole la.. Kena tukar impian dr jd pemuzik ke impian jd org kaya supaya bole tolong org2 yg aku sayang
Kepada gf, sorry to make u wait.. i wish i can marry u n we live together.. tp Life is so cruel.. Adat dh la menyusahkan.. agama ntah la, macam topeng je dh.. Masyarakat kt nie sakit tenat.. x dpt ubat.. How I wish I was rich so that I can marry you darling, Raise a kid tgether.. build a happy family.. But selaku org miskin, aku hanya mampu bermimpi
Kepada org yg baca, terbaca post ini, kalo rasa annoying, sorry la.. maybe suma akan panggil aku losers sbb entry nie, tp aku x peduli.. Tulis suma tekanan hidup aku kat cne menenangkan jiwa aku.. haha
kalo dulu slalu gak aku berdoa, tp aku gagal untuk merasa kehadiran Tuhan, jd aku berhenti berdoa n lebihkan berusaha.. Aku hidup SEORANG DIRI.. kalo sakit kena hantar diri sendiri g hospital jd kena make sure tiada masalah mcm tu jd.. Kena jg diri sendiri.. Planning 5 steps ahead before doing something
Skrng nie aku harus kuburkan hasrat utk jd pemuzik, multi talented bole main macam2 alat muzik tp bakat tu x bole bg aku duit utk hidup.. utk trus hidup, harus tinggalkan impian aku.. What left of me? aku pon x tau sbb kenapa aku nak trus hidup.. utk Diyana n my Family.. the only thing left for me now.. The reasons for me to live is u, Diyana & My Family.. Love U so much..
Kini badan dh kurang sehat, tekanan darah pun dh tinggi.. risiko utk dpt sakit jantung dh ada.. Doktor pun dh warning.. tp life aku mmng terok kot.. nak jg makanan pon payah.. duit x cukup utk create gaya hidup yg sehat.. haha.. Apa pon x bole bila duit x ada..
Kecewa sngt2 dngn hidup
Sunday, September 23, 2012
2012 dan seterus nya...
Lama dh x update blog
Malas, malas, malas dan dh terbukti dngn saiz baju yang dh 'mengecil'
Hahaha
2012 adalah tahun yang agak teruk bagi aku, dah bulan 9 dh
Hopefully nasib akan jadi lebih baik hujung tahun nie
Kehidupan selaku jurutera tapak yang agak bosan dengan gaji yang ciput, terima kasih kepada pengarah syarikat sebab kurung aku dalam penjara kemiskinan. Serius, aku tak bangga langsung dengan ijazah dan karier aku selaku JURUTERA AWAM. Sebab simple je, gaji x setimpal dengan susah payah aku study dulu... Bersyukur gak la sbb dpt kerja dapat makan minum, tmpt tinggal walaupun standard GENERAL WORKER je..
Bila gaji dh ciput, efek kat band2 aku, family aku, gf aku?
Nak rekod, nak perform bersepah mmng dh x dpt sngt la, suma pon nak free, dpt show berbayar tu mmng Once in a Blue Moon punya level dh, nak bertahan tu aku bkn anak org kaya,
Untuk next month, aku dh x dpt nak jam jauh2 dah.. Sorry STS, n AfterLife
Aku dh cecah limit aku dh.. Financial mmng dh x mengizinkan
Aku nak kena tanggung adik2 aku dh skrng.. dulu aku boleh abaikan je, teruk btol
mcm Tanggang dh.. aku nak REDEFINE life aku skali lagi
WITHOUT MONEY, YOU HAVE NO RIGHTS TO ENJOY LIVING AS A PERSON
Lepas nie mmng jd robot daa, hobi2 letak tepi sbb dh xde bajet
Duit cukup2 utk survival diri je (lepas tolak responsibility bill)
For those yang baca post nie, terima kasih
TERUSKAN HIDUP ANDA YEAH!!
Malas, malas, malas dan dh terbukti dngn saiz baju yang dh 'mengecil'
Hahaha
2012 adalah tahun yang agak teruk bagi aku, dah bulan 9 dh
Hopefully nasib akan jadi lebih baik hujung tahun nie
Kehidupan selaku jurutera tapak yang agak bosan dengan gaji yang ciput, terima kasih kepada pengarah syarikat sebab kurung aku dalam penjara kemiskinan. Serius, aku tak bangga langsung dengan ijazah dan karier aku selaku JURUTERA AWAM. Sebab simple je, gaji x setimpal dengan susah payah aku study dulu... Bersyukur gak la sbb dpt kerja dapat makan minum, tmpt tinggal walaupun standard GENERAL WORKER je..
Bila gaji dh ciput, efek kat band2 aku, family aku, gf aku?
Nak rekod, nak perform bersepah mmng dh x dpt sngt la, suma pon nak free, dpt show berbayar tu mmng Once in a Blue Moon punya level dh, nak bertahan tu aku bkn anak org kaya,
Untuk next month, aku dh x dpt nak jam jauh2 dah.. Sorry STS, n AfterLife
Aku dh cecah limit aku dh.. Financial mmng dh x mengizinkan
Aku nak kena tanggung adik2 aku dh skrng.. dulu aku boleh abaikan je, teruk btol
mcm Tanggang dh.. aku nak REDEFINE life aku skali lagi
WITHOUT MONEY, YOU HAVE NO RIGHTS TO ENJOY LIVING AS A PERSON
Lepas nie mmng jd robot daa, hobi2 letak tepi sbb dh xde bajet
Duit cukup2 utk survival diri je (lepas tolak responsibility bill)
For those yang baca post nie, terima kasih
TERUSKAN HIDUP ANDA YEAH!!
Sunday, November 20, 2011
Perjalanan Seni untuk tahun 2011
Salam sejahtera (sounds formal? XD)
So many things happen this year. At least better than my previous years during my studies at UiTM.
1. I quit my metal band, Halun & my gothic acoustic band, Shadowed Grace.
2. Recording new songs with my Alternative Rock band, Stringthesizers and completing the new EP, Teorilusi
3. Joining Nu Metal/Alternative Metal band AfterLife
4. Arranging songs for my project band, Pheradyte
5. Jamming as a bassist for band BitterTaste, short term heavy metal/rock band.
6. Joining UOX Battle of the Band with Stringthesizers
hmm, quite a lot of bands but at this moment, there are two bands remain - Stringthesizers & AfterLife. I enjoy jam with them, write songs with them - such a exciting moment. Hahaha. I can utilize my vocal capability to the maximum with AfterLife - scream, growl, shriek, falsetto, vibrato, high-pitched heavy metal scream and many more - expanding my vocal range as well. With Stringthesizers, I enjoy the teamwork. I didn't writing songs alone, and their ideas are great as well. Haha.
It's getting tougher to get a performance or show. But we never give up then. Too many obstructions before we can get to the top and I wish I will live to see that. Longer lifetime span, I guess?
The new EP, Teorilusi. I put a trust on it to break the wall. Malaysia has a terrible music listeners. Can do nothing about that. But with this EP, we hope to change something. Not to our future only, but to the listener's mindset. Nevermind. I don't really care of what happening after this. But I will continue on this path. As a musician with a bad life style. Sad life? Hahahaha.. I enjoy the suffering.
So many things happen this year. At least better than my previous years during my studies at UiTM.
1. I quit my metal band, Halun & my gothic acoustic band, Shadowed Grace.
2. Recording new songs with my Alternative Rock band, Stringthesizers and completing the new EP, Teorilusi
3. Joining Nu Metal/Alternative Metal band AfterLife
4. Arranging songs for my project band, Pheradyte
5. Jamming as a bassist for band BitterTaste, short term heavy metal/rock band.
6. Joining UOX Battle of the Band with Stringthesizers
hmm, quite a lot of bands but at this moment, there are two bands remain - Stringthesizers & AfterLife. I enjoy jam with them, write songs with them - such a exciting moment. Hahaha. I can utilize my vocal capability to the maximum with AfterLife - scream, growl, shriek, falsetto, vibrato, high-pitched heavy metal scream and many more - expanding my vocal range as well. With Stringthesizers, I enjoy the teamwork. I didn't writing songs alone, and their ideas are great as well. Haha.
It's getting tougher to get a performance or show. But we never give up then. Too many obstructions before we can get to the top and I wish I will live to see that. Longer lifetime span, I guess?
The new EP, Teorilusi. I put a trust on it to break the wall. Malaysia has a terrible music listeners. Can do nothing about that. But with this EP, we hope to change something. Not to our future only, but to the listener's mindset. Nevermind. I don't really care of what happening after this. But I will continue on this path. As a musician with a bad life style. Sad life? Hahahaha.. I enjoy the suffering.
Sunday, May 22, 2011
Hello Again!!
it's been so long that I haven't update my blog.. Last year? hahahaha..
I can't listen to metal music. All that shrieking and growling. Disgusts me. The image, the spike, the leather and dark image. It piss me off to see that.
I will continue my musical journal, but not as a metaller. A little bit on hard rock and metal maybe ok.
Alternative Rock, Erhu Rock,you can name it whatever you want. Anything buy metal. That's it.
I can't listen to metal music. All that shrieking and growling. Disgusts me. The image, the spike, the leather and dark image. It piss me off to see that.
I will continue my musical journal, but not as a metaller. A little bit on hard rock and metal maybe ok.
Alternative Rock, Erhu Rock,you can name it whatever you want. Anything buy metal. That's it.
Sunday, October 3, 2010
Ceylon, Ceylon
Ceylon, Ceylon
Here I come carrying my despair
Saving my future from physical hopelessness
My passion is torn
Again
Ceylon, Ceylon
Here I come providing a physical modernization
Sacrificing my needs for beautiful music
My heart's soul is torn
Again
I wonder will there be a smile
Carved upon my face
As I strum the guitar alone
And bowing my violin
At the abyss of Ceylon
Here I come carrying my despair
Saving my future from physical hopelessness
My passion is torn
Again
Ceylon, Ceylon
Here I come providing a physical modernization
Sacrificing my needs for beautiful music
My heart's soul is torn
Again
I wonder will there be a smile
Carved upon my face
As I strum the guitar alone
And bowing my violin
At the abyss of Ceylon
Saturday, October 2, 2010
WITHERED HAPPINESS
WITHERED HAPPINESS
2.10.2010
My happiness is withered
But her happiness remains in blossom
Keep it that way darling
That’s all I can wish for myself
My happiness is withered
And I’m tired to rebuild it
Make her happy is my only dream
That’s all I can do for myself
She wants me to be contented
That’s a difficult request
Her past tear my joy off my heart
She wants me to be contented
That’s impossible now
But don’t blame yourself
It’s not your fault anymore
I don’t need happiness anymore
My life belongs to her
Pulling a smile
Throw laughter
As it’s the only way to tell her I’m “glad”
This will remain a secret
Unfold to anybody
Endure the pain alone
Till my last breath
Her past tear my joy off my heart
Leaving her tear my life from my core
Withered happiness is mine
That’s all I have for this life
2.10.2010
My happiness is withered
But her happiness remains in blossom
Keep it that way darling
That’s all I can wish for myself
My happiness is withered
And I’m tired to rebuild it
Make her happy is my only dream
That’s all I can do for myself
She wants me to be contented
That’s a difficult request
Her past tear my joy off my heart
She wants me to be contented
That’s impossible now
But don’t blame yourself
It’s not your fault anymore
I don’t need happiness anymore
My life belongs to her
Pulling a smile
Throw laughter
As it’s the only way to tell her I’m “glad”
This will remain a secret
Unfold to anybody
Endure the pain alone
Till my last breath
Her past tear my joy off my heart
Leaving her tear my life from my core
Withered happiness is mine
That’s all I have for this life
Wednesday, August 25, 2010
Between Talent and Reality
Yesterday I've just got back from interview for the site engineer post at Keller(M). Very interesting job. Great salary as well. Unfortunately, my passion is not there. Not in the engineering world. It's written all over my face. I think the interviewer also can see it. I wish I can pull out that face again - hypocrisy. I'm used to it before, showing my willingness to work as an engineer. Even the passion, I fake it well. But this time, I've failed.
Now I'm waiting for miracles. Hopefully I can get that job. But the reality always slap me from the dream.
"MUSIC CAN'T MAKE MONEY NO MATTER HOW TALENTED I AM AND TO LIVE WE NEED MONEY."
I don't have the network. To rebuild them from nothing takes time and I'm running out of time. I don't have enough money to support me as a musician if I quit my current job as a site engineer. To continue my work as a site engineer, I must swallow this fact:
"BEING A SITE ENGINEER MEANS YOU WILL NOT STAY AT ONE PLACE FOR A LONG TIME"
If I can't stay at one place for a long time that means I can't join a music band seriously. Musician and Site Engineer. These two jobs contradict so much I want to cry.
I guess I have to choose again. Goodbye my musical career. I have to choose engineering field again. I've never lived my Heaven and it will never be real.
I can play any instruments? Fuck that. It won't help me to survive in this cruel world. Fuck that fact. So fucked up.
Now I'm waiting for miracles. Hopefully I can get that job. But the reality always slap me from the dream.
"MUSIC CAN'T MAKE MONEY NO MATTER HOW TALENTED I AM AND TO LIVE WE NEED MONEY."
I don't have the network. To rebuild them from nothing takes time and I'm running out of time. I don't have enough money to support me as a musician if I quit my current job as a site engineer. To continue my work as a site engineer, I must swallow this fact:
"BEING A SITE ENGINEER MEANS YOU WILL NOT STAY AT ONE PLACE FOR A LONG TIME"
If I can't stay at one place for a long time that means I can't join a music band seriously. Musician and Site Engineer. These two jobs contradict so much I want to cry.
I guess I have to choose again. Goodbye my musical career. I have to choose engineering field again. I've never lived my Heaven and it will never be real.
I can play any instruments? Fuck that. It won't help me to survive in this cruel world. Fuck that fact. So fucked up.
Monday, August 23, 2010
Thursday, August 19, 2010
Irreligious
I believe in God.
But I don't love Him.
I do respect Him as the creator of the universe.
But unfortunately, I can't make myself love God.
I'm not grateful. Say it which ever way you think necessary.
Describe me in whatever you see fit.
Blasphemous?
The unforgiven?
The sinner?
Kafir, kufur..
Fuck it.
I'm deist. I don't hate God. Allah is al-Mighty. Jesus Christ exist. Muhammad is Allah's messenger.
I accept that fact.
God gives me opportunity to live in this world, to taste with tongue, to see with eyes, to breathe the air.. but it's that an option?
We can't choose to not breathe because God has made us that way
We can't choose to not see through our eyes because God has made us that way
We can't choose to not walk on God's earth, because God has made us that way
Be grateful?
I don't have an option there.
How can I be thankful?
I went to religious talk held by my company. The speaker talk about we need to put Heaven as our target. During fasting month we need to put collecting pahala as much as we can as our target. So that we can enter the Heaven. Fuck that.
If there is no heaven will you be able to make good things? If everyone is destined to enter Hell, will they be able to do good things? Fuck that. I hate that shit.
I don't need Heaven to do good things.
I don't need pahala to motivate me to do good deeds.
What I know is I want to make everyone around me happy with me. I help you and in return, all you need to do is just be happy and smile. Show me that you are comfortable. Be honest to yourself. If killing me makes you happy, go ahead. Kill me. Just be happy and let me know it. I'm satisfied with that kind of life already.
But I don't love Him.
I do respect Him as the creator of the universe.
But unfortunately, I can't make myself love God.
I'm not grateful. Say it which ever way you think necessary.
Describe me in whatever you see fit.
Blasphemous?
The unforgiven?
The sinner?
Kafir, kufur..
Fuck it.
I'm deist. I don't hate God. Allah is al-Mighty. Jesus Christ exist. Muhammad is Allah's messenger.
I accept that fact.
God gives me opportunity to live in this world, to taste with tongue, to see with eyes, to breathe the air.. but it's that an option?
We can't choose to not breathe because God has made us that way
We can't choose to not see through our eyes because God has made us that way
We can't choose to not walk on God's earth, because God has made us that way
Be grateful?
I don't have an option there.
How can I be thankful?
I went to religious talk held by my company. The speaker talk about we need to put Heaven as our target. During fasting month we need to put collecting pahala as much as we can as our target. So that we can enter the Heaven. Fuck that.
If there is no heaven will you be able to make good things? If everyone is destined to enter Hell, will they be able to do good things? Fuck that. I hate that shit.
I don't need Heaven to do good things.
I don't need pahala to motivate me to do good deeds.
What I know is I want to make everyone around me happy with me. I help you and in return, all you need to do is just be happy and smile. Show me that you are comfortable. Be honest to yourself. If killing me makes you happy, go ahead. Kill me. Just be happy and let me know it. I'm satisfied with that kind of life already.
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
Musician
Hello,
The purpose of this blog is simply to describe my life as a Luke of Stringthesizers, not as Lukas Baal Belial of HALUN. They are two different characters, musically. I can sing about love and use my original voice in Stringthesizers, but not in HALUN. I can use falsetto in Stringthesizers but not in HALUN. I can shriek in both bands and to me it's fun. Haha. I love both bands, as they both shows me how to use my musical ability to its limit. Stringthesizers will put me always on the edge of my voice key register, sometimes beyond. But I love it.
I won't put a boundary to my own music. Because that's my life. And my life is music.
The purpose of this blog is simply to describe my life as a Luke of Stringthesizers, not as Lukas Baal Belial of HALUN. They are two different characters, musically. I can sing about love and use my original voice in Stringthesizers, but not in HALUN. I can use falsetto in Stringthesizers but not in HALUN. I can shriek in both bands and to me it's fun. Haha. I love both bands, as they both shows me how to use my musical ability to its limit. Stringthesizers will put me always on the edge of my voice key register, sometimes beyond. But I love it.
I won't put a boundary to my own music. Because that's my life. And my life is music.
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