Yesterday I've just got back from interview for the site engineer post at Keller(M). Very interesting job. Great salary as well. Unfortunately, my passion is not there. Not in the engineering world. It's written all over my face. I think the interviewer also can see it. I wish I can pull out that face again - hypocrisy. I'm used to it before, showing my willingness to work as an engineer. Even the passion, I fake it well. But this time, I've failed.
Now I'm waiting for miracles. Hopefully I can get that job. But the reality always slap me from the dream.
"MUSIC CAN'T MAKE MONEY NO MATTER HOW TALENTED I AM AND TO LIVE WE NEED MONEY."
I don't have the network. To rebuild them from nothing takes time and I'm running out of time. I don't have enough money to support me as a musician if I quit my current job as a site engineer. To continue my work as a site engineer, I must swallow this fact:
"BEING A SITE ENGINEER MEANS YOU WILL NOT STAY AT ONE PLACE FOR A LONG TIME"
If I can't stay at one place for a long time that means I can't join a music band seriously. Musician and Site Engineer. These two jobs contradict so much I want to cry.
I guess I have to choose again. Goodbye my musical career. I have to choose engineering field again. I've never lived my Heaven and it will never be real.
I can play any instruments? Fuck that. It won't help me to survive in this cruel world. Fuck that fact. So fucked up.
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