Irreligious

I believe in God.
But I don't love Him.
I do respect Him as the creator of the universe.
But unfortunately, I can't make myself love God.
I'm not grateful. Say it which ever way you think necessary.
Describe me in whatever you see fit.
Blasphemous?
The unforgiven?
The sinner?
Kafir, kufur..
Fuck it.

I'm deist. I don't hate God. Allah is al-Mighty. Jesus Christ exist. Muhammad is Allah's messenger.
I accept that fact.
God gives me opportunity to live in this world, to taste with tongue, to see with eyes, to breathe the air.. but it's that an option?

We can't choose to not breathe because God has made us that way
We can't choose to not see through our eyes because God has made us that way
We can't choose to not walk on God's earth, because God has made us that way
Be grateful?
I don't have an option there.
How can I be thankful?

I went to religious talk held by my company. The speaker talk about we need to put Heaven as our target. During fasting month we need to put collecting pahala as much as we can as our target. So that we can enter the Heaven. Fuck that.
If there is no heaven will you be able to make good things? If everyone is destined to enter Hell, will they be able to do good things? Fuck that. I hate that shit.
I don't need Heaven to do good things.
I don't need pahala to motivate me to do good deeds.
What I know is I want to make everyone around me happy with me. I help you and in return, all you need to do is just be happy and smile. Show me that you are comfortable. Be honest to yourself. If killing me makes you happy, go ahead. Kill me. Just be happy and let me know it. I'm satisfied with that kind of life already.